Who kidnapped Who?
by VMegami
Summary: Fushigi Yuugi meets Rurouni Kenshin. The shichiseishi go more than a little crazy when they think that Kenshin has kidnapped Miaka!


El Demento Presents  
Fushigi Yuugi and Rurouni Kenshin in  
"Who Kidnapped Who?"  
  
Author's Note: Hello, and welcome to yet another of my fits of temporary insanity. Remember people, this is El Demento, so I'm totally going to mess with these shows. In other words, don't use this as an info source! sheesh Anymeow, let's get on with the show, ne?  
  
(It's yet another boring day for the Suzaku Shichiseishi… Tamahome and Tasuki are simply playing fish.)  
  
Tamahome: Sigh Uh, Tasuki? Got any 6s?   
  
Tasuki: Yeah… here. (Hands over cards)  
  
(Tamahome takes the card, and with the 3 he had before, puts the four 6s on the table.)  
  
Tamahome: Looks like I win again, Tasuki!  
  
(Tasuki pulls out his fan.)  
  
Tasuki: REKKA SHINEN!!! Heheh… now, what was that you just said, Tamahome?  
  
Tamahome: (looking a bit crispy, and a puff of black smoke appears as he starts to speak) Uh… you win again, Tasuki.  
  
(Suddenly, Hotohori busts into the room.)  
  
Hotohori: Tasuki! Tamahome!  
  
Tamahome: What is it, sire? Do want us to help you give the Seiryu Shichiseishi another good thrashing?  
  
Hotohori: No, but now that you mention it… they seem to have disappeared on some unexplained vacation…  
  
(The audience gets a quick scene of the Seiryu Shichiseishi and Yui on a far away, snow covered mountain.)  
  
Yui: Uh… how did we get here?  
  
Nakago: I'm not sure, priestess, one second we were in the palace in Kutou, and suddenly we found ourselves here.  
  
Yui: Well, thanks for stating the obvious… I want to know who put us here.  
  
(The sound of the writer laughing maniacally drifts by on the wind… Anyway, back to Kounan!)  
  
Tasuki: Well, if it's not them, then what is it?  
  
Hotohori: Miaka is missing! I fear she has been kidnapped.  
  
Tamahome: What?! By who?!  
  
Hotohori: I'm not sure… but the people in the area speak of a suspicious group of people, including a man with bright red hair and a scar on his cheek who just happens to have "disappeared" the same time Miaka did.  
  
Tasuki: Who is that guy?  
  
Hotohori: They say his name was Himura Kenshin.  
  
Tamahome: We gotta find him!  
  
Hotohori: Don't worry, I sent Nuriko and Mitsukake to bring this Kenshin's companion's here.  
  
(Nuriko enters)  
  
Nuriko: Sire, our "guests" have arrived. I left them with Chichiri.  
  
(In another part of the palace, we find Chichiri and three others. One is a tall guy with spiky black hair and a red bandana. He's Sanosuke. The other male is a young boy who also has somewhat spiky hair. He's Yahiko. The last of the trio is a young woman with long, dark hair. She's Kaoru.)  
  
Sanosuke: Okay, freak-boy, why are we here?  
  
Chichiri: The emperor wishes to see you, that's all, no da.  
  
Kaoru: Well, I hope he hurries, because we need to find our friend.  
  
(Hotohori, Tasuki, Tamahome, and Nuriko enter the room. Oh, and by the way… I'm just curious… who do you think would win in a arm wrestling match… Sanosuke or Nuriko? Um… anyway, back to the show!)  
  
Tamahome: Okay! Where's Miaka?!  
  
Kaoru: Eh?  
  
Tamahome: Don't play dumb with me! We know your friend has her!  
  
Yahiko: Who are you talking about?!  
  
Tamahome: Kevin!  
  
Tasuki: I think you mean "Kenshin".  
  
Tamahome: That's what I said!  
  
Hotohori: Please excuse my friend here, he's a bit excitable… if ya know what I mean…  
  
Sanosuke: I think we do… (He and Yahiko both give Kaoru a look.)  
  
Kaoru: HEY! Just because I wrecked that one vender's place when I thought he knew where Kenshin was means nothing.  
  
Nuriko: So, you don't know where you friend is either?  
  
Sanosuke: Nope.  
  
Chichiri: Does your friend have any sort of criminal record?  
  
Kaoru: Well, he used to be the Hitokiri Battosai, but he gave that life up.  
  
Tamahome: AH HA!! So he gave up a life of murder for one of kidnapping! It all makes sense now…  
  
(Chichiri thwacks Tamahome on the back of the head with his staff, knocking him unconscious.)  
  
Tasuki: Hey! Why'd ya do that, Chichiri? I wanted to fry him with my fan again!  
  
Chichiri: You can't have all the fun, no da.  
  
Hotohori: Um… anyway, do you believe your friend was also kidnapped as well?  
  
Kaoru: Unfortunately…  
  
Chichiri: Then I guess the best choice would be for us to work together, no da.  
  
Hotohori: Okay, let's see… where does your friend usually hang out?  
  
Sanosuke: Well, actually, we're on vacation here, so…  
  
Nuriko: Then I guess we'll just have to go to Miaka's favorite places…  
  
(At the sound of Miaka's name, Tamahome wakes up.)  
  
Tamahome: Miaka? (sees the RK group) You're still here? Hotohori, please tell me we get to hang them, right?   
  
(Chichiri knocks him unconscious again.)  
  
Tasuki: Hey! It was my turn!  
  
(Chichiri shrugs. Nuriko picks Tamahome up over his shoulder.)  
  
Nuriko: Uh… I'll go get Mitsukake and Chiriko…  
  
(Well, while everyone gets ready to visit their first place and finally get it through Tamahome's thick skull that Kenshin did not kidnap Miaka, let's check on the Seiryu group, ne? This time they appear to be inside a giant animal…)  
  
Yui: Where are we now? I think I just stepped in something really gross…  
  
Nakago: I'm not sure…  
  
Amiboshi: I'm scared! It's dark in here!  
  
Suboshi: Oh, shut up and stop being such a wimp!   
  
Soi: Ugh… it smells like fish in here…  
  
Yui: Oh no… don't tell me we're…  
  
Voice in the Distance: PINOCCHIO!! PINOCCHIO!! IS THAT YOU?!?!  
  
(Once again, the writer's laughter can be heard. Okay, back to Kounan! The Suzaku guys, along with the RK group are at a nearby restaurant.)  
  
Hotohori: Excuse me, sir, but have you seen a young girl with a very large appetite at all today.  
  
Waiter: Uh, yeah… she's right over there with that blond guy.  
  
(They look in the direction the waiter pointed to and see a young red- headed girl wolfing down food along with a blond guy.)  
  
Girl: Gourry! Stop hogging all the pork chops!!  
  
Gourry: No way, Lina! You already finished off all the roast beef!  
  
Lina: Gourry, hand it over!  
  
Tasuki: Nope that's not her…  
  
Waiter: Well, there was another girl with a similar appetite in here earlier, but she spotted some red- headed guy with a huge scar on his cheek, and she ran outside.  
  
Tamahome: AH HA! (To the RK group) So your friend did kidnap Miaka!!  
  
Tasuki: (before Chichiri could knock him out.) REKKA SHINEN!!!  
  
(The flames fry Tamahome, and he collapses unconscious once again.)  
  
Tasuki: Heheh. Bit ya to it, huh, Chichiri!  
  
Chichiri: Ah, shucks…  
  
(Meanwhile, the battle between Lina and Gourry was steadily escalating…)  
  
Lina: That's it!!  
  
Chichiri: Uh oh… I've got a bad feeling about this, no da… Everyone, hold on to me, I'll take us to safety, no da!  
  
(He and everyone else disappear just as…)  
  
Lina: DRAGON SLAVE!!!  
  
(The blast destroyed the restaurant and everything in the surrounding area.)  
  
Lina: There, Gourry, and I hope that taught you a lesson. Oh, and by the way, writer… When are you gonna write a Slayers fic, eh?  
  
Writer: Well… I'm not really sure…  
  
Lina: If it isn't soon, I'm going to Dragon Slave you as well!  
  
Writer: ACK! Okay, okay… I'll write one soon! (under breath) But you might regret it…  
  
Lina: What was that?!  
  
Writer: Uh… nothing…  
  
(Uh… anywho, now let's return to the Suzaku/RK group. Chichiri took them back to the Kounan Palace.)  
  
Tamahome: Great! Now we're back where we started!  
  
Tasuki: REKKA SHINEN!!!  
  
(He fried Tamahome… again…)  
  
Chichiri: Tasuki?  
  
Tasuki: I'm not sure why I did it either… I just had an urge…  
  
Mitsukake: Anyway, I think I know how to find out Miaka's whereabouts!  
  
(Wow! He actually said something!… er… nevermind…)  
  
Tamahome: (conscious once again) Why didn't you say something sooner?  
  
Mitsukake: Because the writer wouldn't let me.  
  
(They all glare in the writer's direction.)  
  
Writer: What?  
  
Mitsukake: Well, can I continue?  
  
Writer: sigh Go ahead.  
  
Mitsukake: Thank you. Well, I shall commune with the all-knowing spirits of this table!  
  
(Everyone stares blankly and sweat-drop as Mitsukake points to one of the small tables in the room.)  
  
Yahiko: Now I see why the writer didn't let you talk…  
  
Writer: Ya see?! That'll teach ya to question me!!  
  
(Mitsukake leans down and places his hands on the table.)  
  
Mitsukake: Oh, great table spirits! Share with me your great wisdom!!  
  
(The table begins to glow.)  
  
Nuriko: Wow! Maybe it'll actually work!  
  
Sanosuke: (to Nuriko) Wanna arm wrestle?  
  
Nuriko: Uh… maybe later…  
  
(Darn! We could've found out who would of won! Okay, the table stops glowing and Mitsukake stands up.)  
  
Hotohori: Well?  
  
Mitsukake: It says Miaka and Kenshin are in a fort outside the village. It also wanted me to tell Hotohori to stop putting drinks on it without a coaster, and that the audience should suspect not to see any lines from Chiriko in this story.  
  
Kaoru: Well, shut my mouth! The table spirits really do know all… who'da thunk?  
  
Writer: ME!  
  
(And now, before we go on with the story, here is a brief interval entitled "Pokemon go to the Moon." Enjoy.)  
  
Ash: OH NO!! There's no air here!  
  
Brock: I can't breath!  
  
Pikachu: Pi… ka… choke  
  
(And now back to our story.)  
  
Nuriko: I think that last bit just served to prove that the writer of this story is insane…  
  
Writer: Hey! Just because it's true…  
  
Tamahome: Let's go save Miaka!  
  
(They leave. Now, I know what you all are thinking… "What's the meaning of life?" Well, it's… er, wait… that's not what I came here to tell you. You are also wondering "When will this crap end?" Heck, I don't even know that one. But, aside from all that, you want to know what the Seiryu guys are up to, so let's find out shall we? We find ourselves at Disney Land!)  
  
Yui: Now where are we?  
  
Soi: Look at all the people!  
  
Nakago: I wanna ride the teacups!! (they all stare blankly at him) Uh… I mean… er… nevermind.  
  
Amiboshi: (sees Mickey) AAAH!! A GIANT RAT!! KILL IT!! KILL IT!!  
  
(Suboshi hits him.)  
  
Suboshi: I told you to stop being such a wimp!  
  
(Well, the Suzaku/RK group arrives at their destination.)  
  
Mitsukake: This is the place that was revealed to me by the table spirits.  
  
Tamahome: Let's go!  
  
(Do you all want a sneak peek at what's really going on inside the fortress? Well, too bad, you're getting one anyway! Inside, we see a room where Kenshin is tied up.)  
  
Kenshin: Mmf! Mmff!  
  
(Did I mention he had a gag in his mouth? Anyhow, Miaka enters the room, but she's totally free?! Nani?!)  
  
Miaka: I'm totally free, because I'm the one that kidnapped Kenshin, because I wanted a break from Tamahome. You're the writer! You should have known that all ready!  
  
Writer: Uh… I did!  
  
Miaka: Uh huh… sure.  
  
Writer: I did! I was just making sure you knew! Uh… yeah! That's it!  
  
Kenshin: Mmf! Mf! Mmmf!  
  
Writer: Hey! You keep out of this!  
  
(Um… let's go back to the Suzaku/RK group, shall we?)  
  
Hotohori: We have to get inside!  
  
Nuriko: I'll handle this!  
  
(He begins to try and beat the door down, but is unable to.)  
  
Sanosuke: I'll help you with that!  
  
(They begin to bring it down as Miaka watches from above.)  
  
Miaka: Crap! They're almost here!  
  
(While she's watching Nuriko and Sanosuke, Chichiri, Tamahome, Tasuki, and Kaoru appear behind her via Chichiri's magic cape.)  
  
Chichiri: Miaka! We're over here, no da.  
  
Tamahome: Are you really that sick of me?  
  
Miaka: How'd you know?  
  
Tasuki: We read the rest of the fan fic.  
  
Miaka: Oh… yes! I am sick of you! You're no fun anymore! You spend most of your time beating up the Seiryu Shichiseishi, or playing go fish! And we won't even mention the nights you come home completely drunk.  
  
Writer: I think you just did…  
  
Tamahome: So you thought kidnapping a short red head was a good idea?  
  
Miaka: Well… it seemed like it at the time…  
  
Kenshin: Well, we're out of here!   
  
(He and Kaoru run off. If you're wondering, Kaoru untied him while you were watching Tamahome and Miaka. You should pay attention to other things more… sheesh)  
  
Tasuki: Well, this is neither the time nor the place to settle this.  
  
Tamahome: Why not?  
  
Tasuki: Because the writer wants to end this now.  
  
Tamahome: Really?  
  
Tasuki: Yep! And she said Chichiri and I can do one last thing for good measure.  
  
Tamahome: What's that?  
  
Chichiri: This, no da!  
  
(Chichiri thwacks him on the back of the head as Tasuki fries him.)  
  
THE END!  
Finished Aug 1999  
  
Author's Second Note: Well, another installment of my madness is over, and I'm sure you're all relieved. I hope it was as disappointing for you as it was for me, but then again, I never really like my own material much… Well, I best be going. Oh! If you're wondering what happened to Yui and company, well… no one knows. Maybe you'll see something about that on a future episode of Sightings. Until then, I'm Tim White… er… nevermind…  



End file.
